So, here I am, checking in - and a day early as it turns out. So, how have I done?

Terrible. Just terrible.

Long story short, I've COMPLETELY fallen out of the mindset to get this done. It makes sense though. Usually I'm all raring to go with weight loss October/November. Then the holidays hit and I take a break. Then in January/February I keep thinking, "Hey, it's winter! Who cares? I can layer!" Well, February is [almost] over. And it's time to get back into things.

I've decided I can't hold myself to a rigorous diet like Medifast or even the P90X Nutrition Plan. I just don't have the mindset to stick to something like that right now. But something is better than nothing. So I'm going back to Weight Watchers. I'm not throwing P90X away completely, however. I plan on re-starting on Saturday. I won't follow the program exactly - I'll probably skip a day here and there and get off schedule a little bit, but again, something is better than nothing. I need to stop focusing on the all or nothing mentality. That's what got me back to where I am now.

Where am I? I don't know. I know I said I was going to weigh in come the first of March, but I can't. I have NO desire to step on that scale. If I had to guess I would assume I was back around ... oh ... 160? That's my guess. I haven't been pigging out constantly, but I've eaten out a LOT. And I can just feel it in my cloths. I ordered a pair of green skinny jeans for St. Patrick's Day and I ordered two sizes - 5/6 and 7/8 - simply because I have a feeling I'll need the larger size. My cloths (my pants that is) are all still fitting, but only a few weeks/a month ago they were feeling somewhat loose. Now, they just fit. Period. Even though [almost] all of my pants are 5/6s, they are from a brand that tends to run a little bigger. So, realistically, I'll need a 7/8 in these. At least I hope so! If I have to jump up to a 9/10 I'll be crushed!

At this point, I can't point fingers at anyone. This was all my doing 100%. I will NOT reach 125 pounds by May. I'll be lucky to be in the 130s by then - hell - even the 140s. But you know what, it's okay. As much as I would have LOVED to have been thin this summer, oh well.

So, here I am. Facing a new month and [hopefully] armed with a new will to get this done. Weight Watchers for my diet, [modified] P90X for my work outs, and [hopefully] a positive, no-quit attitude. With the warm weather just around the corner I KNOW I will have a new surge of motivation soon. Saturday I plan on going to the grocery store and stocking my fridge with my old-school, lazy Weight Watchers food - Lean Cuisines, Lean Pockets, Smart Ones, etc. I'm going to print off a P90X schedule that doesn't have set dates or days of the week attached to it, just the "number" of the workout - in other words, I'm not going to go off of 90 DAYS, but 90 WORKOUTS. However long it takes me to do 90 work outs.

Hopefully I will stick to this throughout March, at which point I'll go ahead and weigh myself when April roles around. I'll probably be back down to the low 150s at that point, and although this will bum me out (a whole month of dieting just to get back to where I JUST was) it will bum me out a LOT more to step on the scale and realize where I tragically am now.

I really want to get this done. And it's all up to me. I've had enough of this! No more time WASTED! I started Weight Watchers in November. If I had stuck to it this entire time that would be four whole months. And I would have been almost DONE by now - I probably would have only had a few pounds left to go. It doesn't matter! ... Shit happens. The time passed and I didn't accomplish anything. OH WELL! - MORE time will pass and I will STILL not accomplish anything if I don't KNOCK IT THE HELL OFF!

So. That's what I'm doing. Knocking it the HELL OFF! Tomorrow = a new month; a new start; and the beginning of the end of this nonsense. This time ... I PROMISE!