Last night was my first official P90X workout: Chest and Back, followed by Ab Ripper X. I felt really good putting the discs in, knowing that I was going to be one step closer to my goal. I expected the butt-kicking of a lifetime and braced myself to be in horrendous pain. And after it was over? Well. To be honest, I wasn't really sure how I felt about the whole thing.

During the Chest and Back routine there was a moment during when I got really frustrated. Although I was doing every moment to the best of my ability, at least as far as I knew, I didn't really feel any sort of a burn in my back, or chest for that matter. The muscles the exercises were supposed to be targeting almost seemed like they were getting brushed by. My arms began to feel a little sore, but that was really about it. Because of this, I wasn't sure if I was doing the moves right or using the right size bands or whatever the case was. All these variables popped into my head and starting dancing a dance of self-doubt. I started questioning every single movement wondering if I was in any way close to replicating the exercises being demonstrated. Aside from my dance of self-doubt, I was also becoming increasingly frustrated with my inability to do push-ups. Being that the entire work out, for the most part, consisted of push-ups and pull-ups I spent about half the time getting angry at how seemingly weak I was. At one point, I remember sitting on my knees, closing my eyes, and feeling them start to tear up. I could feel myself almost say "Screw it!" and quit.

Then, during a water break, I had a little chat with myself. I told myself that I was doing fine; that I'd never done a work out like this before and that I shouldn't hold myself to the same standards as the people in the video who are a) in far better shape than I am, and b) have done these work outs a bazillion times! I reminded myself that push-ups weren't going to be in every work out, and they are hard; it's okay that I couldn't really do them. After my little conversation I snapped back into it and was able to push through the rest of the workout. The irony is my struggle during this first work out wasn't physical, it was mental.

After Chest and Back it was time for Ab Ripper X. I had done this DVD a few years back when I first got the set from my friend, so I was slightly familiar with the routines. Even with my preparedness I still had to stop the DVD about four minutes into the work out. My legs, for some strange reason, were really sore and lifting them up to do the some of the crunch-moves was really difficult. Tony [Horton, creator and instructor of P90X] says to take breaks if you need them, so I did. I paused the DVD for about 3-4 minutes, said a quick hi to my cat, got a sip of water, and pushed "play." Similar to what was happening during Chest and Back, my abs really didn't feel like they were getting the brunt of the work out. My upper thighs and butt seemed to be carrying all the tension, so once again I was concerned that I was doing something wrong. Maybe I was burnt out so my form was off? I wasn't sure, but I couldn't help feeling discouraged.

After finishing both workouts, I sat on my couch and reflected. I couldn't help thinking of all the blogs and comments on message boards I've read of people saying how miserable they were after their first P90X work out - some to the point of feeling nauseous or even vomiting! And there I sat, completely fine. I wasn't overly tired, I wasn't terribly sweaty, my head and stomach felt fine. I was a little drowsy and warm, but that was about the extent of it. I once again began questioning if I'd even accomplished anything at all. I felt like I tried really hard and pushed as much as I could ... but something still felt like it was missing. The only thing I was able to come up with was that perhaps the reason I didn't feel more wiped out is because I'm used to cardio-based work out, and seeing as this was almost entirely resistance training I simply wasn't feeling that heart-racing feeling I normally would after exercising. I decided it was better to try and forget about all my doubts and just go to sleep; maybe I'll feel more sore in the morning.

When I woke up today I did feel a little more sore. Still not in my proper chest or back, but some of the surrounding areas: my sides and shoulders for example. My abs were a little sore too, but nothing crazy. I do feel a little better about the work outs now. I think the reason I was so upset is because I had anticipated feeling so crappy, and to feel perfectly fine was not only unexpected but it was simply strange. I'm not in the best shape, so to feel just dandy after a butt-kicking work out was just a bit odd. But, clearly I did something right because I am feeling it a little today. Hopefully this type of feeling will only get stronger and stronger the further I get in the program. I still have really good hopes about it! One day down; eighty-nine to go! Tonight: Plyometrics (which I've heard is the hardest P90X work out). Dun, dun, DUN!