Today I had my first official Weight Watchers meeting - except, well ... it wasn't.

I walked to the meeting almost exploding with excitement. I couldn't wait to get started! Sure, I was a little apprehensive about my first weigh-in, but at this point it's all down hill from here - nothing to lose except weight! I sat down and glanced around the room - mostly middle-aged women with far more weight to lose in comparison, which is what I was fully expecting and has been my number one preventative from joining Weight Watchers sooner.

The reason behind that is simple - I am 25 years old, and I have never weighed over 200 pounds. I've never weighed over 190 pounds for that matter. So, sitting in a room with a bunch of women who are 20, 30, 40 years older than me who have 40, 50, 100 pounds more to lose than I do - well, it sort of sets me apart from the rest. Our challenges and milestones will never be related, nor will our desires and reasons for wanting to lose weight. The support I can get from a group of women like this, while existent, would be incredibly general and broad. We would never really be going through the same things, more specific than simply losing weight together. I've always thought Weight Watchers should have some meetings that are age-grouped, for the simple reason that in different stages of life you have different reasons, desires, and needs for losing weight. For me, I never really felt I could gain much from regular meetings, other than that general support - which is why I'm just now considering the possibility of joining them.

Our leader stepped to the front of the room and began to introduce herself and explain her journey with Weight Watchers. Right away I got a vibe from this woman that she uses sentiment and emotion a great deal in her leadership skills. For some this may be great, but for me, I view it as somewhat juvenile and cheesy, for lack of better terms. I immediately feared that she would have somewhat of a coddling relationship with us, babying us through the steps of weight loss. Again, for some this may be the perfect fit, but for me, I would feel smothered and, frankly, annoyed. Why did I feel all this from her? A lot of reasons I guess. Her almost whisper-like tone, her body language, her over-reaching attempt to deliver an inspirational speech. It all seemed so canned, so forced, so rehearsed. I am a firm believer that sentiment is what happens when you are simply having an honest moment, and that usually doesn't happen during a speech you've delivered dozens of times. Perhaps I'm cynical, but I could tell right away I wouldn't be inspired by her. Now, please don't misunderstand me - it was clear she is very passionate about Weight Watchers and truly desires to guide people in their weight loss journey - I'm simply in need of someone with a stronger fist if I'm going to have a leader at all. Weight loss, to me, is not really tied to emotion. Sure, I have my moments of weakness when I need to break down, but these are few and far between and usually happen behind closed doors. I wouldn't be inspired listening to someone else's moments of weakness, nor would I want to reveal my own.

However, I put all of the above reasons behind me and sat through her speech with open ears and an open mind. I'm changing a lot of things about my approach to weight loss this time around, so why not some of my above opinions? After our leader had finished explaining her story and passing around her "before" photo, she started to go over how the meetings will be in the future and of what they will consist. This dialogue only took about three to five minutes, and at this point we were about fifteen minutes into the meeting. I knew the weigh-ins had to start soon, so I braced myself for the inevitable. As I was preparing to reveal the reality of gaining ten pounds during the month of October, suddenly I was knocked down flat. Instead of pulling out a scale, she pulled out a records book. The meeting was over, other than collecting our method of payment. I was a little confused, so I decided to speak up. "So, are we not weighing-in today?" I asked. She told us no, that the first official weigh-in would be the following week. To this I responded with another question, this time about whether or not we were going to get any of our materials or information on how to log on to the online interface. When her reply was again a negative response, I became furious! We had already pushed the first meeting back a week due to not having enough participants, and now, when we finally have our group together and we are all ready to go, you stand there and tell us we have to wait another week!?

So, let me get this straight. Overweight individuals from all over constantly use excuses like, "I'll start on Monday," or "I'm going to wait until the holidays are over," or "Next week will probably be a better time for me to start," and now - that's EXACTLY what you are forcing us to say! The message between the lines of this situation was appalling to me, and I refused to wait any longer to start. I at least wanted to be able to log online. Being that I have already been doing the program for almost a week, that was really the only part missing. So, I patiently waited for everyone else to turn in their payments so I could speak with her in private and make my request.

The long and the short of it - after speaking with her, then customer service, then her again, then customer service again - is that there was no way for me to get access the the online features a week early without being out an additional $30! Needless to say, this was not something I was willing to do. So, I took a step back from the entire situation, which was giving me a splitting headache, and thought long and hard about my goals and what I needed to succeed.

WHAT I DIDN'T NEED:

• I didn't need a meeting filled with women in a completely different place of their journey.
• I didn't need a leader who was going to use emotion and sympathy as tools.
• I didn't need to spend $156.

WHAT I DID NEED:

• I needed to have an easy and official way of calculating and tracking my points.
• I needed a social network for support that was more compatible than the limited meeting group.
• I needed to find enough inner power and strength to do this alone. In the end, it will only be me.

So, I made my decision, and I signed up for three months of Weight Watchers Online. I knew I wanted to follow the program, but I didn't need the frill, I didn't need the extras. I just needed the plan and the online tools. Plus, if I ever feel like I need support, the online program provides chat rooms and discussion boards to connect with other online users. I knew I had made the right decision. And that's when I realized it. I think the biggest reason I've always stayed away from Weight Watchers meetings is that the meetings aren't just about me. They are about the collective. I absolutely believe that losing weight is easier when you are not doing it alone, but I think that's what I've always done wrong. I've always depended on other people. I've always relied on a buddy system. I've always put my fate in someone else's hands. This time, I need to do what's right for me, and only me. Will it be harder? Sure. Will I struggle? Absolutely. But in the end, I will be stronger and I will be able to do this for life. I wouldn't want to grow dependent on the meetings, or have a strong connection with someone in the group and inadvertently sabotage my own journey because they were struggling with theirs. No, this time, I need to do this alone, and I need to do this my way. And that's exactly what I'm going to do!