I ... LOST!? I can't even believe it. And, I mean, I lost a whole pound! True, it's not as much as I'd generally like to see, but for this week!? I'll TOTALLY take it. I think I'm still in a slight state of shock. When I stepped onto the scale I literally closed my eyes and took a deep breath, bracing myself for the travesty that was about to appear before me. When I opened my eyes I was completely expecting to see a number in the 160s. I literally am stunned. Although, I do have to say that even though I was lucky and ended up losing this week, I had a big eye-opener!

I want to lose weight. I want to be thin. I am tired of being the way I am. And I know I can do it. I know I can. I've done it before! Hell, over the course of my life I've probably lost at least 100 pounds, if not more. Clearly I am able to lose weight. I should have no more excuses at this point. I need to focus on what I want and make it happen. Nothing is holding me back on this except myself. Food is not going to rule my life. It's not going to mold who I am. I refuse to let FOOD be something that prevents me from happiness.

I think it's time to set my First Mini Goal. I know it's not really good to put a timeline on weight loss, but it helps me keep focused. New Year's Eve 2011 I was at my lowest adult weight ever: 148/149 pounds. I can't remember the exact number, but I know it was in the upper 140s and I know it made me feel GREAT! Within the first month of 2011 so many things in my life starting going right, for the first time in a very long time. I got a new job which, at the time, seemed to be an awesome opportunity, and the best pay I'd ever gotten. I got cast as Maureen in Rent, one of my all-time dream roles. And I started dating Jesse, a really sexy firefighter with a heart of gold - who I actually met on New Year's Eve. My life finally seemed like it was heading down the right path. Then, everything changed. I guess I got cocky or thought I didn't need to work on my weight any longer. Before I knew it the pounds started to creep back on, and one by one the things I had just gained were suddenly leaving my life. True, none of these things left because of my weight: my job had turned out to be nothing more than a slave-ship and I desperately wanted to fall overboard, the run of Rent simply came to an end, and Jesse and I found that the hour-and-fifteen-minute commute between our houses was simply too difficult. My weight had nothing to do with anything, but I've always looked back on the first few months of 2011 as an incredibly symbolic moment in my life. It started off amazing, with me being at the lowest weight I'd ever been. Everything was going my way and for the first time ever I was actually, 100%, truly happy. Then, when the weight came back, slowly I crept back into my normal state of mind - slightly depressed, always yearning for more.

My First Mini Goal is therefore clear as a bell - Be in the 140s by New Year's Eve 2013.

Today I weighed-in at 158.2, meaning, at minimum, I have to lose 8.3 pounds by December 31. In order to do this, my weigh-ins need to somewhat reflect this:

Dec 05: 156.4
Dec 12: 154.6
Dec 19: 152.7
Dec 26: 150.9

Leaving me a pound to lose between December 26 and December 31. Is this a long shot? Maybe. Maybe I'm reaching just a little bit too high. But the way I see it, it's completely doable. No, it's not an easy goal, but I don't want to just reach for what's easy. If I fall a little short, so be it, but at least I'll know I tried my best. At the end of the day, being off by a pound or two really isn't going to effect how I look, or how I feel. I just know I will have such a good aura around me that night if I can get ready to go out knowing I'm back in the 140s, ready to start a new year! The only way to do that is to really buckle down. No more excuses. No. More. Cheating! I have a lot to do this month! I can't afford to waste any more time.