Tomorrow is the day - the day I start my last diet. The day I begin becoming my new self. The day I say goodbye to saying: "I'll start on Monday," or "I already messed up once today - may as well go for the gold," or "It's winter; I can layer for a few months and worry about it in the spring." Tomorrow is the day my old habits disappear, and my old excuses with them. At 1:00 tomorrow I have my first official Weight Watchers meeting.

I'm excited. I'm anxious. I'm nervous. I'm a lot of things.

Even though I know I will be one of the thinner people involved in the meeting, I'm somewhat embarrassed to even have to be sitting in that room. Being the thinnest fat person still makes you fat. It still leaves you wanting to make a change - a change I've attempted to make at least a dozen times. My head starts to spin into self doubt as I type that last sentence - yeah, I have tried this a dozen times ... why will this time be any different? I guess I don't really have a reason, except, well, it has to. I know I am not meant to be fat; I am not meant to doubt my attractiveness and self-worth; I am not meant to dread wearing a bathing suit at the beach or wearing a dress anywhere; I am not meant to fear that in relationships I will meet his girl friends and realize they are prettier than me; I am not meant to live like this anymore.

This is not who I am! And so I'm not going to be this way anymore.

And so tomorrow, I stop being this way. Period.