I was chatting with my friend at work, Hillary, who is also doing Weight Watchers (she actually went through with the at-work meetings program as opposed to simply doing the online program like I am). Apparently she had been chatting with another girl on her team about Weight Watchers and how it's been going, and mentioned to her that I was doing the program as well, to which she replied, "Oh, really? Yeah, she seems a little thinner."

I wasn't really sure how to respond to this. To Hillary I seemed nothing but grateful and flattered for the compliment, but inside I was crawling with other thoughts. Do I really seem thinner? I've only lost four pounds. Is that really enough weight to change someone's appearance? Four pounds can be lost by upping your water intake over a weekend. Is it really enough to make me look thinner? True, I've been working out now for almost a month, maybe I've toned up a little bit and that's why I seem to look different? But even still, I don't really feel I've done enough yet to warrant any change in my physique.

Then I thought some more. Was it really so hard for me to just accept the compliment and move on? Why did I feel the need to rationalize it? Why were her words so hard to hear as truth? This type of situation makes me wonder if I will always have fat-girl-syndrome. You know: once I finally lose weight, will I still have my old appearance ingrained in my brain because I've had it so long? The bottom line is I'm not losing weight for my health or for any other non-cosmetic reasons. I'm losing weight to look better. And of course feel better, but feeling better will be a direct result of looking better. Sad but true. I'm 25-years-old. I want to be young and sexy. Sad but true. This is all vanity for me. So, with all that being said, if changing my physical appearance is really my only real reason for wanting to lose weight, will I ever even be able to enjoy it once I finally get there? Or will I forever see myself as that little fat girl in the swimming pool?