Yesterday was the first day back at work since the real Weight Watchers program at my office started. Even though I'm not doing the office program, a friend of mine from work still is, so I wanted to check in with her. I sent her an e-mail asking how her weekend was, food-wise of course. This was [part of] her response: "My weekend did not go well with the Weight Watchers. I had a friend in town and we were going out to dinner and stuff and I drank a bit. I haven’t really tried to do it since last Thursday. I’m not very good at it. I don’t like being told what to do and I think I’m getting pissed off by the idea that I can’t just eat whatever I want."

When I first read her remarks I instantly was reminded of myself, in all of the previous diets I'd ever tried. I hated being told what I could and couldn't eat. I hated being told that my current perception of food was wrong - that I didn't know how to eat properly. I remember thinking that I knew better; I knew how to eat right, I knew what foods were good and what foods were bad, I knew all of this; how dare they tell my differently! But knowing and doing are two completely separate things. I may have known better, but I definitely wasn't putting that knowledge into action. "... I’m getting pissed off by the idea that I can’t just eat whatever I want." Well, no, you can't eat whatever you want. I mean, sitting down with a bag of chips instead of carrot sticks or a chocolate cake instead of a fruit salad - these are the things that got you fat. These are the reasons you need to lose weight. So, no - you can't eat whatever you want.

But then I thought again...

The truth is, we really can eat whatever we want. No one is “telling [us] what to do” – it’s all up to us what we choose to eat and what we choose not to eat. What the program teaches is that you need to hold yourself accountable for the things you do decide to eat. Yesterday during a meeting at work, one of the managers on my boss's team brought a jar of candy with him (as he always does - moral boost probably). I sat there during the entire meeting convincing myself not to eat a piece. The truth was I had enough points for it - I had my normal breakfast but my lunch was about two or three points lighter, so in all actuality that piece of candy would just fill in those missing points. But I told myself,  “No, you can't eat any - you can have two brownies tonight instead of just one if you don't.” By the end of the meeting, however, a little Heath bar was just calling my name. So, I ate it. Should I have eaten it? No. Did I need it? No. But did I eat it? Yes. The Heath bar turned out to be two points, which is what my extra brownie would have been. I didn't feel guilty about eating the candy, I simply told myself that later on that night I could only have the one brownie for dessert. No big deal. But that's the point I'm trying to make I guess - I shouldn't have eaten the candy, but I did and so I made the changes I needed to make to allow for it in my day.

I think that's what I'm starting to realize. No one is telling me what to eat. This is the first program I've ever been on in my entire life where I can literally eat whatever I want. Certain diets of mine in the past cut out processed foods, or sweets, or fruit even! But with Weight Watchers, you literally can eat whatever you want. But ... you don't want to eat those things anymore.

I think that's why my outlook is completely different this time around. I'm ready to start changing the way I think about food. There have been some days where I've indulged, sure, and there will always be those days. It's called living. But that's what your Weekly Points are for - they are for living. Weight Watchers is teaching me to hold myself accountable for my relationship with food. If I eat a few extra points midday, then I cut those points out of my dinner. If I go out to a restaurant and have a few glasses of wine, causing me to dig into my Weekly Points, then I need to make sure I'm on track the rest of the week. The whole idea is that overtime you won't want to eat the things you shouldn't, so you can have more of the things you should.

So, is someone telling me what to eat? Sure. But I can still eat whatever I want. The bottom line is: the things I want to eat are starting to change. I'll always want to choose cheesecake instead of light sorbet. I'll always want to pick up McDonald's fries instead of going home and making a salad. As a [soon-to-be] former-fat kid, those desires will never really go away. But what the program is teaching me is that it's okay to want those things. And it's okay to have them from time to time. Just as long as you are staying on track in the bigger picture. This is definitely the first diet I've been on where I don't feel like it's a diet. It's not fast. It's not a quick fix. It's not a magic formula. It's real food, real planning, real decisions. It's like boot camp! It's training me on how to win the battle of the bulge. And, so far at least, I think it's doing a pretty good job!